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You Know You're Chinese When....

* You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year. Only now that I'm in college, because I'm too lazy to stock up on wrapping paper and stuff like that.
* You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
* When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
* You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
* Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. Some plastic wrap, too!
* You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. Once in a while, though, the machine is actually run...we were the ones who put it in, after all...
* You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. No, but R does.
* You eat all meals in the kitchen. In Berkeley I eat in my room just as often, though.
* You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. Grocery bags => trash bags; tin containers depending.
* You use grocery bags to hold garbage. Oh.
* You always leave your shoes at the door. And change into slippers!
* You have a piano in your living room. Did for the longest time...then we moved.
* You twirl your pen around your fingers. Can't do it. I do violinist bow-exercises instead.
* Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. Now it depends on how full I am, though. Mustloseweight!
* You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. Was true when we were poorer. Now we've about equal amounts. Or I do, at least. Mom's been phasing out non-tupperware.
* You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
* You've eaten a red bean Popsicle. I WANT!!!
* You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. For some reason, not really. Our family has a tendency to give mushrooms.
* You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. Don't anymore, unless they come in nifty containers. Will probably start again, though, because of stage managing.
* The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald's. *coff* DC! *coff*
* Ditto for paper napkins.
* You never order room service.
* You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These travel snacks are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID). Not so much anymore (jeez, it's been a long time since our family took a real vacation) but I tend to carry water with me. And plums are good. Don't diss the plums!
* Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests just brought just to be courteous. (You should see them fighting with other people for the dinner bill..)!!!
* Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. The scary thing is, most of the time, he can.
* You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law. *sigh*
* When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool. --people have dance parties?
* You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood. Gimme ten years, and that will probably be true. But I'll also own a house somewhere that I'm renting out. Real Estate mogulhood, here I come!
* You don't use measuring cups. --Do too!
* You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
* You beat eggs with chopsticks. Faster to access and easier to wash than either whisk or fork.
* Your parents' house is always cold. Used to be...now I think my cold tolerance is up.
* You have a teacup with a cover on it.
* You reuse teabags. With my caffeine tolerance? Of course!
* Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club. --No, but I suspect she would if she owned one.
* You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
* You're a wok user.
* You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions. I like every film in its original undubbed version, with very few exceptions.
* You have acquired a taste for bittermelon.
* You like congee with thousand year old eggs. (STEPH!!! I have come over sometime when I'm back home so you can make me more! YUMMY!!) MWAHAHAHA! MY roomie! XD
* You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached -- it means they're fresh. And the heads are good to suck on, too....
* You never call your parents just to say hi. --Nonsense. I call them most of the time, or else they call me.
* You always cook too much.
* If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten rice, even if it's midnight.
* Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air.
* Your parents never go to the movies.
* Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
* You use a face cloth. --Too much effort. I own one, though.
* Your parents use a clothes line.
* You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
* You starve yourself before going to all you can eat sushi.
* You've joined a CD club at least once.
* You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
* You never discuss your love life with your parents. --Actually, they tend to discuss it with me more often than I do with them...except when I'm very much amused by my life, as in the case of the three Rs.
* Your parents are never happy with your grades. OMFG ARGH.
* You keep most of your money in a savings account. Where else would it be?
* You've been on the Love Boat or know someone who has. (Vicky, were you still interested in going?) YES. The application is due in April. I'll send you a copy when parents get ahold of this year's. Come with! XD
* Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin. At least by the time I'm done with them...
* You love Chinese Martial Arts films. Pretty!
* You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
* Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
* You love to go to $1.75 movies. (WHERE????)
* You love to go to $1.50 movies even more.
* You never order sweet-n-sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a Chinese restaurant. --Actually, I think I've tried the pork, would like to try the egg foo young (Mrs. Pang has volunteered hers, and isn't it an iconic dish anyway?) and I thought chop suey is just the bastardized anglicization of char siu?
* You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
* Someone in your family drives a Honda... with custom rims.
* You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging from your rear-view mirror.
* You like to eat chicken feet. --I don't care either way, but if it's there, I'll eat it.
* You suck on fish heads and fish fins. Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads....
* You turn bright red after drinking two tablespoons of beer. --Hah! It takes the entire beer. ;____;
* You can get a buzz on Coors O'Douls or Miller Sharps. --Don't think so. I've been fuzzyheaded, but buzzed?
* You look like you are eighteen. --I always look older, it seems.
* You only buy used cars. Makes more sense, neh?
* You have more than five remotes in your house. There's one for the TV, one for the DVD player, two for the LD players, and I'm sure there's one for the VCR, too. Yay for universal remotes.
* You leave the plastic on the lampshade for ten years or more.
* You can't bear to throw things away. I'm a pack rat, what can I say?
* Your dad washes his hair four times a day, or never at all.
* Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500. Probably...
* You've worn glasses at least since the fifth grade. Third grade.
* Your parents (or some other close relative) own a grocery store or restaurant. --does the landlady count?
* You drive around looking for the cheapest gas. --No need to drive...you just spot it from the road.
* You add twice the amount of water recommended when making orange juice from concentrate. --No, but Cindy does....
* You've never seen your parents hug.
* Your grandmother lives with you and your family. (Used to, at least..)
* You never order desserts at restaurants. --Cheeeeeeeesecake!
* You always have water when dining out. Few exceptions. Like when the water's stale.
* You say "aiya!" and "wah!" frequently. Wah!
* You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack. I like to wander around Las Vegas just to look at the design of it all--the kitschiness and the money of it--and to people watch.
* You love to play mah jong.
* You have to read all your parents' mail written in English. Once upon a time, this was true.
* You are constantly being set up with uninteresting (and usually ugly) people by your parents. --No, but I was talking to a friend of a friend, a good looking Kashmiri boy who was pretty open-minded about arranged marriage. "My mother has good taste," he said. My mother has good taste, too. Dad I'm not so sure about, because he married my mother. J/k.
* You hate eating cheese. --Cheese is good! Cheese is great! Who doesn't like cheese? (Except for Esther Tsai and my wallet)
* You have a big aquarium filled with colorful fish somewhere in your house.
* Your mother is strangely obsessed with plants.
* White people look at you strangely if you tell them you are Buddhist.
* You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.
* You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.
* Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings. --Dude, my dad is quiet....
* You never made the school football or basketball team. (Or, any kind of sports team..) Does tkd count? :P
* You have two middle initials instead of one.
* You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen. --Did for a while, and it was in the bathroom.
* Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas. --I'm sure she did at some point, but I don't remember....
* You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time.
* You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.
* You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives. (*gasp* You can do that?)
* You cut your own hair… or had someone in your family do it. No mas!
* Your grandmother has a lot of gold teeth… especially in front.
* You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.
* You know what the term "lemon" or a "banana" means.
* You only have to shave every other day (maybe). (Hahaha. Cousin said he shaved like...once every two weeks) Funny. I don't even shave...one of my classmates, who happens also to be Chinese, asked me if I shaved my arms today. Anyway. I find it funny that the boys who don't shave either look like fishermen or thugs.
* You wash and reuse ziplock bags. I draw the line at laundering ziplocks, but I do try to reuse the clean ones....
* You know at least three people named Alan Wong. --No, but I know three pairs of siblingal Michael and Roberts and five Daniel Kims....
* You never drank milk after eating cherries. --Wait, who does that?
* Your parents collect jade jewelry.
* You always drink tea after a meal. --Only for dim sum
* Your dad owns at least one bird.
* Your parents grow vegetables in a garden. --PV too rocky for veggies
* You use doilies to decorate your furniture.
* Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching food with your fingers.
* You're proud to be Chinese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Chinese friends! --Eh, not that bored. :P